The kids all went to school yesterday. I feel really weird. It is like I have a bitter-sweet feeling in my body. I hate to let go of Samson's babyhood but I love to see them become free. I feel like someone has given me a 8:30 to 3:30 baby-sitting voucher but I don't have to pay them. I don't feel that sense of guilt I often get leaving them with mum and dad or others but my stomach twists and throat chokes when I can't feel Samson wriggling by my side asking me to do something or asking questions about why there are powerlines and what do they do? 

I am sitting at Jamaica Blue eating an breakfast with a ton of bacon on it.

It is awesome, and fearsome the future that looms a head of me. Is it ok that I enjoy eating a huge breakfast on my own and enjoy not having to look after my kids needs across the table? I feel like I need to go sweat and work hard to pay a prices first. Kids are demanding and they make you feel useful and stop you from being selfish. Now I have to do all that on my own. 


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