How do you live your life and carry the responsibilities of it when you are trying to start a farm? We were at Morgan’s parent teacher interview yesterday and his teacher said he seemed tired and didn’t want to do his reading. I could see the questions in her eyes, “what have you been doing? Or not doing…?”. This last school term has felt like a blur, outside my head and inside my head.
There has been so much thinking going on, about Elon Hill and all the plans for it. I feel like my brain is in a constant wrestle with what I am doing, what I could be doing and what I should be doing. All of the responsibilities pressing in on me from every side, so overwhelming at times it just starts falling out the sides and all the most important things fall out too. Like doing homework with your children, reading to them, when you wake up in the morning actually looking at their faces and feeling the pleasure of their existence, not just the register of a set of more jobs that need to be done before school starts.
I know in my heart that there just has to be a way to be the most expressive version of yourself, the Artisan Version, whilst still loving and being present in the places that actually define your place and position here on this earth. How can something as beautiful as a person fully expressed take away from something as important as the love between and mother and her eldest, cherished son? There is not enough of me to go around I can see, but perhaps with someone else’s strength, power, joy and unconditional love, the gaps can be filled…and spilt out over the sides. If my life has enough abundance to fill and spill out of my mind, the King of Heaven and Earth and eternity, can follow those spilling places so that the mistakes are mixed and filled with His love. So that the damage is mixed with the catalyst of His pure love for me and the end results reverted from their deadly ending into a new path way filled with….life.